Special Time and Snuggle Time: My Joys with the Hand in Hand Approach

I value and have witnessed the potency of Hand in Hand Parenting tools — Staylistening, Playlistening, Special Time and Listening Partnership. I practice these myself and share these with the moms and dads in A Living Family coaching and community. (In fact, you can register here for the June 19 Community Call and send me your preferred parenting, relationship or life topic or scenario to consider.)

Below I share a personal reflection and insight around Special Time and also how our personal stories impact how we experience and live our lives.

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My mother tells me the story of her 3 toys as a child and how they were locked safely in a cabinet so she could see them in the glass and ask her uncle to take them out to play once in a while. Toys were to be preserved, not played with.

Flash forward to me with my 4.5 yo. Where I never took an art class past young childhood and grew up with “in the lines” guidance at school, this girl of mine is joyfully painting however and whatever she likes (including her body). I am conscious to avoid telling her how to paint or feeding perfectionism as an ideal to work towards.

During Special Time with my 4.5 yo I’ve been taking a “Yes, and” approach, I have noticed that I have a hard time with her using materials. We have lots of recycled and gathered materials. She gravitates towards the paints and speciality items like glitter pens that my mother got her.

Here she was, gleeful at getting to use the pens, and they didn’t work. Hard as it was for me to even have her use the paints, it was even harder to keep my mouth quiet and sit with my inner thoughts while she took of the little cap and squeezed little blobs onto the paper. Then she pushed the blobs around with the threaded top of the tiny bottles. “See, mama? It’s a brush!”

This would all be something except that it was more because we were “supposed to” be making dreamcatchers. (Catch that non-NVC trap? More sitting with myself and breathing.) AND, she thought this was glitter glue. She took the little bracelet we were going to make into a dreamcatcher (goodbye, vision) and “glued” it to the little paper. “I need more glitter,” she said, clearly thinking glitter is synonymous with glue.

Finally, to “help” I say, “That is glitter paint not glue. It won’t stick.”

She plowed forward. She made a whole creation with that hoop and that glitter paint and even the beads we were going to use. She went to pick it up, and I spent long minutes watching her realize, still undeterred, that the bracelet and beads were not going to stick.

She held it out with a tentative start to a smile, unsure whether my growing frustration, finally voiced, would keep her from full joy of her creation.

“You are happy?” I said, with softness and warmth.

She nodded slowly up and down as her face broke open into a full, toothy grin.

Joy….

Though grateful I worked through the long session of holding my tongue and watching my tone, I was left there with myself to ponder why this concern of “wasting” and “preserving”…that old story, those old beliefs.

I have found that Hand in Hand Parenting tools can lead to some surprising results and shifts. Sometimes immediately.

After Special Time with my 2.5 yo and making some breakfast, my daughter asked me as she readied herself to go to the playground, “Mama, are you coming to the playground with us?”

“No, my love. I’m staying home and finishing my book.”

A normal clarifying conversation for us…..and then something completely unusual to hear from this long-limbed baby of mine who ran from my hand even in the womb…

“Then mama, can I have snuggle time with you right now please?”

And we proceeded to have a glorious cuddle time on the couch even after her brother piled in. That moment, with the three of us, on the couch like that cuddling close. I want to remember that moment forever. I lay there soaking up the memory into my body…

This is the close connection, the presence and ease, the flow and joy that I am looking for in my life and my family.

Feeling grateful for all that is…

Wishing you peace and ease,
~sheila