A Thriving YOU: On Perfectionism and Fear of Losing Control

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” ~Marianne Williamson

As we grow from infancy, and some would argue in the womb, we have taken on negative habits and thought patterns.

As adults, we find these seeds and cycles of belief and action lead us to hurt and pain and wrongdoing. Even so, we keep watering that which does not serve us. We keep depleting ourselves and watering everyone else’s garden to make up for  imperfections.

And when we make mistakes we beat ourselves up and tell stories about inadequacy, inability, and unworthiness.

We tell ourselves words with edges of “not good enough.” We go to sleep at night we replay our imperfections and get carried away with all the potential horrors that could ensue. Joy, happiness, peace, trust…these things begin to feel elusive.

I never used to think I had any tendencies towards perfectionism because I was the “laid back” one of the family.

What I realized from my personal and professional work around Nurturing You and mindful self care is the following…

It is not a fear of failure that keeps us from thriving, it is a fear of losing control.

Comparing myself to my mother, I was laid back. Since embarking on a journey of mindfulness and self care, I have realized how much anxiety I’ve held from my fear of making a mistake. Or worse! I could fail…

Truly, our deepest fear, as Marianne Williamson says, “is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Our fear of losing control keeps us from thriving and drives our perfectionism.

We tell ourselves, “If I could just be good enough, get everyone else cared for and happy enough, hold all the pieces of our life and home together well enough that we are worthy…and then we can take a break and start Nurturing You with mindful self care.

And there I found myself. And it is there that I extend a hand to women feeling worn down, depleted, isolated and unhappy despite frenetic efforts to make a living and make a life.

Nurturing You Tip: To from depleted to thriving, focus on “present” instead of “perfect.”

Stop. Breathe. Take in every teeny tiny bit of gratitude and joy around you. Feel the preciousness of life, the sacredness of the moment. The spaciousness of right now…

A Personal Example:

Sometimes moving through my day I feel myself getting tense or anxious or “wound up” in my body, head or heart. I worry I don’t have time to do whatever it is I am doing or what I want to do.

Once I was making my mindful self care cup of tea, for example. Grinding the cardamon in the mortar and pestle I usually focus my mind on the values I want to set as my intentions for the moment or the day. Depending on what I have coming up I might say to myself “peace, ease, connection” with my kids or “flow, focus and clarity” for my business or “understanding, empathy and laughter” in my relationship (both for him and myself). Usually that’s enough to settle whatever was fluttering about.

Sometimes, though, I go to grind my cardamon and notice anxiety or agitation that is not settling. I am feeling my to do list and the overwhelm and on the edge of spiraling into shame (blame, guilt, judgment). When I notice, I stop and tell myself “I have time…” Saying this to myself as a mantra has brought me much spaciousness, forgiveness and compassion for myself.

When you stop to Nurture You in this way, you have the chance to make a choice, tell your own story.

We thrive when we tell our own story with courage. We feel full and joyful when we feel safety and trust to take risks, stretch towards the new and make mistakes. When we allow ourselves  to fall and fail we find strength to do the work of turning dreams into reality.

When you release the grip of perfectionism and release into the gift of present, the fullness of life is available to you.

Suddenly, the waves of life’s ups and downs don’t rock your boat so much. You realize you are strong.

You watch your life transform as your story becomes “I am enough. I am powerful beyond measure…”

*****

RELATED POST: Focus on You…and Transform

Check out the Free Sneak Peek of Nurturing You: A Mindful Self Care Guide for Women! Click here to download your free 20+ page excerpt.

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